


Memories

by MessedUpMessages



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I think?, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), actually cnat remember if they curse or not anyway general warning?, mild language?, pining lance BUT he forgot so not rlly, this song is depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-07 02:02:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15898656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessedUpMessages/pseuds/MessedUpMessages
Summary: Lance wakes up from an injury perfectly fine.Except he can't remember Keith.Keith must try to get lance to remember their past, one day, one memory at a time, no matter how painful it is.Maybe he'll find out why lance hates him so much along the way.And just maybe they'll be more than friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> based losely off the song photograph by ed sheeran  
> prolly should have mentioned earlier but i take requests/prompts no guarantees but they are appreciated  
> also appologies for typos im lazy

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes  
But it's the only thing that I know  
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes  
It is the only thing makes us feel alive

~~~~

Darkness.  
Overwhelming, all consuming darkness.  
Wait.  
A voice.  
Lance clung to the audible lifeline, pulling himself from the pits of unconsciousness.  
Light.  
Bright light.  
The voice was saying his name, over and over.  
Faces. Six of them.  
White hair. That was...allura?  
He struggled to clear the fog in his head.  
Orange. Mustache. Coran.  
Metal. Tall. Shiro. Black lion. ...Voltron?  
Small. Fuzzy. ...pidge? Green.  
Broad. Friendly. Hunk? Yellow.  
Large. Metal cats. Giant robot.  
Him.  
Lance.  
Blue.  
Voltron.  
A vague feeling of forgetfulness swamped him and he took a second look.  
There was another person.  
The source of the warmth encircling him.  
They were holding him to their chest, close, intimate.  
Black hair.  
Violet eyes.  
Red armor.  
…  
He didn't know who they were.  
“I-I'm sorry…” he said, sitting up woozily of his own accord, looking at the person who was holding him. They were worried.  
“Are you ok lance?” They asked.  
Lance shook his head. “I'm not sure I understand. Who are you?”

Keith felt his heart break, a twisting sensation, a choking buildup in the back of his throat.  
“Lance,” he managed to say. “It's me. Keith?”  
The look of bewilderment never left his face, cementing the fact that it was entirely possible lance wasn't faking, that every trace of Keith as gone from his memory.  
Lance staggered to his feet, looking at all the shocked faces around him.  
“Hunk,” he said warily. “Pidge. Why are you all looking at me like that. I'm fine. I just don't know who that is.”  
He pointed a finger at Keith, who bowed his head.  
Shiro stepped forward. “You really don't remember?”  
Lance shook his head. “I have know recollection of ever meeting this man right here. I know you're Shiro. We rescued you from a crashed ship on earth.”  
He frowned. “That's odd. I could have sworn there had been someone else there.”  
Allura pressed her hand to her mouth. She looked like she was about to cry. Lance continued to deny his memory loss  
“Look guys. I'm a little dizzy. That's all. But I would like to know who Keith is.”  
Hearing his name from lances mouth and knowing there was no meaning behind it for him hurt Keith more than he would like to let in. He had always envisioned himself as the one without emotions. A hand off, no strings attached, no relationships deal. He had lost some of that when he joined Voltron, but had regained his composure with the blade of marmora. That was how they operated. No emotions to cloud your judgement, impair your aim. When he had re joined Voltron, his emotions had gotten a little out of hand.  
But still, he hadn't though it would hurt.  
Pidge stepped up. “Keith is your friend.” She said. “or...sort of your friend. It's complicated. Anyway, you remember Voltron, right?”  
Lance nodded. “Five robot cats. Giant robot. Wait, who's in the fifth lion?”  
“Erm…” pidge said uncomfortably. “Keith.”  
Lance whipped his head back around to Keith. “Really?” He asked. “I'm sure I would have remembered him.”  
“Well, he's the red paladin. And your friend. And you should remember him.”  
Hunk put in, looking more than slightly distressed. “I know your not faking. Especially after you told me-”  
He cut himself off forlornly. “But you don't know about that now.”  
“Perhaps we should put him in the healing pods for now.” Allura suggested weakly. “It might recover a few of his memories, which would help the healing process. After that, I think it might be up to Keith to try to spark old memories.”  
Keith made no comment. 

The hiss of the healing pod compressing filled the ears of everyone else in the room, reminding them, in the silence, that not all was right with the world. As lance disappeared behind frosted glass Keith tried to over come the stagnation his thoughts had come to, the well traveled rut they circled endlessly.  
Keith liked lance.  
Lance might have liked Keith.  
Lance can't remember Keith.  
Thus, he can't like Keith.  
Because he has no clue who he is.  
Coran came forward brazenly, twirling his mustache, other arm behind his back.  
“He'll be in there for a couple of days, just to give his brain a rest. It might activate a few brain cells, hopefully the ones dealing with memory. That should, at the very least, give him the capacity to remember. However, as you are the forgotten one, it might be better if you were the one to try and reawaken the lost memories.”  
Keith slouched against the cold wall of the castle.  
“Whatever.” He growled, disguising how much the thought of trying to reawaken lances memories of him would hurt. or how painful it would be for him, for both of them.  
Coran danced away, fiddling with a screen on the side of the pod, sending it into the ground. They all trickled out, Shiro agonizing in the doorway, stopping to look back for a moment.  
“Keith-” he started, though better of it, then left.  
Keith ignored him, contemplating, staring hard(it was more like glaring) at the dark hole in the shining silver where lance had vanished, as if he could retrieve him by sheer force of will.  
Eventually he too wandered out, unsure of what to do.  
After all, lance couldn't remember him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keith begins the process

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really like this chapter

We keep this love in a photograph  
We made these memories for ourselves  
Where our eyes are never closing  
Hearts are never broken  
And time's forever frozen still  
  


  
  


He found himself in the training arena, as usual, battling the gladiator repeatedly, trying to work everything out of his system. Because, when in doubt, punch a robot.

So, lance didn't remember him. Big deal. He was the emotionless Keith.

So he would have to relive every moment he himself could recall when he was with lance. Big deal.

But the way lance said his name, with no emotion, no shared history behind it. Just a two syllable, five letter nomer for someone he didn't know.

That hurt.

 

In the lounge, the rest of the team was gathered. As soon as the door shut hunk sagged and groaned. “Keith can't do this,” he lamented. “And I can't watch this happen.”

“It must happen.” Allura insisted. “It will be painful for both parties, but Lance must remember, for Voltron”

“Yeah, but what about Keith? What about lance once he remembers? I'm pretty sure I can speak for all of us when I say lance is going to be torn up when he finds out who he forgot.”

Shiro shook his head. “There's nothing else we can do.”

 

Keith waited with the others in the room with the healing pods, a niggling feeling of apprehension tugging at the edges of his mind. The hiss of the pod decompression jolted him out of his reverie and he braced for the jolt of pain in his chest when lance stepped blearily from the pod. It came, and got worse when lance stepped to hunk for support instead of the much closer keith. Hunk watched his face closely as he looked around the room.

“Alright,” lance sighed wearily. “I guess you’re all going to force feed me memories till i get mine back. Let's get it over with. But i'm telling you, it wont work.”

Coran cleared his throat. “Actually, lance, we’re not. _Keith_ is. We’re going to leave you be.”

Lances head jerked up, whipping to look at keith. “Really?”

Keith looked away. Yes, he wanted lance to remember, but there were...certain parts that he could live with lance never recovering, namely, the elusive enigma that for some reason made lance hate him.

Lance shrugged, plunking himself down on the steps. “Oh well. Y'all are missing out on some quality lance time.” He flashed his trademark grin and Keith nearly died.

“That's enough” he growled. “We’re getting your memories back. As soon as possible.”

Lance looked affronted. “Ok then.”

The others took the hint, tricking out. The last one to leave was hunk, who cast a agonized glance at lance then left with a weak smile. Keith turned to lance angrily, determined to get this over with. Rip off the band-aid. Then the pain will stop.

He hoped.

“Alright,” keith said wearily. “I'm sorry lance, but I'm going to start at the beginning.” And so Keith told lance everything. Which was a lot. It was a biased, sometimes confused retelling of their year away from home, interspersed by Keith's private ramblings and thoughts. He got sidetracked occasionally, nearly spilling everything to lance. About their one sided rivalry, Keith's less than obvious crush, how he felt now. Lance listened passively, occasionally frowning sceptically. When keith finished, choking when he started retelling the battle that led up to the amnesia, lance shook his head disbelievingly.

“Keith, man, i remember all that stuff, just not you. I doubt i ever will.”

Keith bit his lip. He understood now that this was not going to be something resolved in one afternoon. This was going to be a long, painful thing. This would be not ripping off a bandaid. He would have to be slow, retracing every step, every memory. A process that could take days, weeks, months, maybe even years.

“I'm going to try something different.” he said finally, sitting next to lance, putting his head in his hands. “Who distracted the garrison so you and hunk and pidge could get to shiro?”

“I-i don't know-i feel-i think-i feel like i should remember- but-”

“Who lead you to the place in the desert where the blue lion was?”

“Um...i don't know-i thought-”  
Keith was feeling panicked, forcing out words before lance could finish. “And you didn't even remember this before you had amnesia, but who carried you through the castle to the healing pods after you _sacrificed yourself_ for someone you had only known for a week?”

Lance looked bewildered, and slightly scared at keith's intensity. “I don't know.”

Keith nearly broke, but pulled himself together for a moment longer. “Okay.” he said slowly. “Okay. we’re clearly not getting anywhere here, so why don't we come back to this tomorrow? Sometimes the healing pod can be a bit… strange. It messes with you’re head.”

Lance gave him a odd look, but stood and headed for the door. He paused for a moment, then turned around abruptly.

“Believe me keith.” he said quietly. “Believe me. I will try to remember you. I want to. If there were someone in my life who couldn't remember me, i would do everything in my power to make it right. So...i don't blame you for trying. I’ll be patient. I will try. I swear.”

Keith looked up, eyes beginning to be red rimmed from unshed tears. “If you don't know me, why are you even trying?”

Lance shuffled his feet. “I'm not sure. I think some part of me says i should know, that you used to be someone i trusted. That i do trust. Someone i could trust again.” he smiled shyly. “Someone that truly meant something to me .” his smile faded and he turned to go. “I just can't remember.”

 

Keith barely made it to his room before the tears fell.

He was never one for loud crying, but now he shoved his face into his pillow, eyes screwed shut, and let loose a agonized scream of rage. The sound, muffled by layers of alien fabric, wasn’t nearly satisfying enough, but it served the purpose of releasing his pent up frustration. Weak, he curled up against the wall, sobbing silently, no coherent thoughts in his head.

A knock at the door made him lift his head. “Go away!” he choked out. Hunks face appeared in the doorway, took in the scene, then came in.

“keith buddy, i take it you’re not doing too well?” hunk asked, sliding down the wall next to him.

Keith hid his face in his arms, silent. Hunk patted his back awkwardly, trying to provide comfort to the one who went without it the most. “Can i tell you something lance said to me a while ago?” he said finally. Keith was still unresponsive, so he continued. “He came to me one day, panicking. I asked him what was wrong, and he nearly cried. He said he realized he was in love with you. But when i asked why that was a bad thing he looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘because i know he’ll never feel the same’” hunk sent keith an appraising look. Keith let out a dry, hiccuping sob. “I think seeing you like this would have made him happy in a odd way. Probably because it meant that you did feel something for him.”

Keith finally spoke, voice deadly quiet. “Hunk, go away. I don't want to hear about this. Yes, i felt something for him. I felt so much i thought my chest would burst. It was beyond feeling. But that doesn’t matter now, because he doesn’t remember me, so i can never tell him how i feel. you understand? I can never. Never. i'm sorry. i just- can't.”

“But you have to keith. You’re the tough one. Thats who you are. you have to be strong for him”

“But how can i be strong right now?” keith shrieked, gripping his hair with both hands. “He doesn't remember me. And you’ve just told me he had feelings for me the whole time-the whole time i was agonizing about being in love with him! I can't be strong through this because _i'm_ not strong enough.”

“You have to.”

“but why?! Why hunk?!”

“Because he needs you strong. And if you aren't, then you’ve failed him.”

And with those stinging parting words hunk got up and left, leaving keith to his tears, his spinning thoughts, and a whirlwind of emotions.

  
  


Lance strolled down the halls to his room, humming. He jumped when a hissing sound alerted him to another room opening. He looked over to see pidge coming out. She saw him and grimaced. “Hey lance…”she said cautiously. “why aren't you with keith?”

Lance shrugged. “He said we’ll come back to it tomorrow. He seemed a bit upset.”

Pidges face turned to a glare. “he’s upset you moron.”

Lance seemed nonplussed. “I don't see why. I told him i'd try to remember, but no promises.”

“No promises?” pidge growled, stalking up to him. “You’d better remember, otherwise i’ll forcibly slam your head into the ground until you do.” her face melted for a second. “Ok maybe that's a bit extreme. But you had better remember. You’re messing up everything.” she bounded off before lance could ask what ‘everything’ was.

 

The next morning, keith knocked on lances door and told him to meet him in the lounge after he ate breakfast. Lance grunted his assent and keith left.

He couldn’t eat. Plus, he had a job to do.

 

Lance was lounging on the couches when keith came in with a almost comical pile of papers, their surfaces slick and glossy. He set them on the table in the middle of the room, spreading them out. Lance palmed a few, flicking through them idly, not really seeing what significance they held.

“Pictures.” keith announced, sitting beside lance. “Of us. Well, everyone, but i tried to find mostly us.”

Lance did a double take and looked again. Keith watched, biting his lip, as lance studied the one in his hand. It was a selfie of the whole team, taken on their phones after that first battle. Keith was standing next to lance, a small smile on his face. Lance was grinning, flashing a peace sign while at the same time giving keith bunny ears.

Lance felt something in his chest, but he couldnt put his finger on it.

He flipped through a few more in silence. Most had the others in them, but occasionally, with a jolt, he saw one that only had him and keith.

They had snapped another selfie with some arusians, keith putting on a grudging smile.

One at a trip to the space mall, when lance and pidge had ambushed keith and dunked him in the fountain.

He and hunk trying to teach keith to cook.

Mundane to monumental, tiny snippets of moments.

Memories encased in color and ink and paper and pulp. Frozen in time, never forgotten. They were callbacks to a time when everything was right.

Lance could feel tears wetting his cheeks, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

Keith picked up the last one, a picture pidge had taken on the lowdown. When he had questioned her about it she had said it was part of a project she was working on. He fiddled with the edge for a moment, nervous, before handing it to lance.

It was fairly recent, showing a pale purple sky and brown, bare ground. It was an unimportant moon, but that wasnt why the picture was so perfect. Framed perfectly against the sky were the red and blue lions. In the foreground-

Lance caught his breath, stunned by the flood of emotions that swamped him.

Keith was doubled over, laughing. Lance had his arm draped over keith's back in a comfortable gesture, laughing equally as hard. The grin on keith's face was so wide it made his cheeks hurt just thinking about it. The memory was bittersweet, filled with the nostalgia of a forgotten joke and a forgotten memory.

Lance wiped his eyes. “Why-why am i crying?” he stuttered. Keith hesitated, then put his own arm over lances back. Like in the photo.

“Because you’re remembering.”

Lance shook his head. “I'm not. I still can't remember who you are. There’s something, something tingling on the edges, i can feel it. I should remember. I feel like i know you. I really do. But i still can't.”

Keith groaned, hiding his heartbreak. “Alright. Okay.” he blew out a breath. “I guess i’ll have to think of something else.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was a BEAST  
> but i love it like a child

So you can keep me   
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans   
Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet   
You won't ever be alone, wait for me to come home

 

And if you hurt me   
That's okay baby, only words bleed   
Inside these pages you just hold me   
And I won’t ever let you go   
Wait for me to come home   
  


  
  


Keith was embarrassed for crying two days in a row, but he didn't really care. He didn't really care about anything any more.

He didn't notice when lance opened his door, sat down next to him on his bed and hugged him.

Well, he noticed when he felt arms encircling his shoulders comfortingly. He jolted, nearly smashing lances chin. He looked at him warily, uncertain. “why are you here?”

Lance shrugged. “Not sure. I heard you crying and something said that i should try to help.”

“What if you can't? What if you’re the reason the person's crying?” keith accused. Lances face fell.  

“Then i'd ask them what i did.”

Keith glared through his watery eyes. “You forgot. That's what you did.”

Lance looked crestfallen. “Then i don't know how to help. All i can do, as i keep saying, is try.”

Suddenly keith turned in lances arms and hugged him back. “I don't usually hug people,” he started, voice muffled in lances shirt, inhaling the familiar scent. “I figured i'd make a exception to i didn't have to say this to your face. I'm still mad, i might always be slightly angry at you for forgetting, but i’ll try, like you. It's all we can do. We need to move on. l’ll try to remind you, we’ll still do things to get you to remember, but we should continue with life, with voltron. But i want you to know that i’ll wait. I can be patient. I will wait for as long as it takes, even if it takes the rest of my life. I’ll wait for you to remember me.”

Lance wrapped his arms around keith, hugging him back. “Ok” was all he said. It was all he needed to say.

 

When keith came into the control room the next day he was back to normal. Well, partially. He portrayed normalcy, but he wasn't.

Allura explained their next move, a strike on the galra occupied planet of Frolap, a tiny place the size of mercury and covered in trees. All they had to do was a ambush the central command, bomb it and get out. 

Well, it should have been easy. 

Everything went fine until they were spotted by someone patrol fighters. The reasoning was this. Keith had been skimming the edge of the forest, perfectly aware of the fighters. Lance however, now had no trust in Keith's capabilities, and had come up and slammed him out of the way when a fighter had come to close. The fighter had of course, noticed, leading them to have to abandon the lions at the nearest viable hiding place and go in on their cruisers and plant bombs

Again, things continued without a hitch. 

Until they were escaping. With their backs to the abandoned command they were running back to their cruisers at full speed, pidge preparing to activate the explosives.  Keith turned his head to check that everyone was following. 

He saw the sentry standing in the entrance way they had blasted open. 

He say the light fire from the gun, aimed for keith.

He saw lance leap into the path of the light and cry out, the laser striking him in the chestplate.

Keith had caught him before he hit the ground, a shot from hunks bayard dispatching the sentry. Keith carried lance closer to the forest's edge as a new wave of sentries came into view from inside the command station. 

Pidge activated the bombs, and he vaguely heard Shiro yelling for someone to help him carry lance, but the order was ignored. They were too busy fighting the other sentries. 

Explosions tore through his eardrums, sending columns and mushrooms of fire sky high. The cinders rained down as more went off, but Keith was more concerned with lance. 

“Stop getting hurt” he gritted out, holding him close to his chest while trying to carry him to the cruisers. “You’ll forget me even more than you already have.”

Lance chuckled grimly. “how could i forget you if i don't know you?”

Keith went cold, and lance seemed to realize his mistake. 

“Oh- Keith i'm sorry i didn't mean- “

“no no, it's-it's fine. Just-be careful”

Lance smiled through the pain, feeling the vibrations of the battle around them. “I’ll try.”

Keith returned the smile. “That’s all we can do eh?” Lance opened his mouth to say something, but never got to. 

Keith suddenly threw himself over lance as a shield. A boom rippled the air, the force throwing them onto each other. Their lips brushed, a little more, a little longer than a accident. Their eyes met, blue and violet wide win surprise.

Keith blinked and rolled off. “Sorry about that.” he said awkwardly. “There was a big blast about to go off.”

Lance just looked at Keith in bewilderment. 

 

Keith shed pieces of his armor as he made his way to his room. 

Lance was fine, he hadn’t even needed to go into the healing pod , but that was beside the point.

He had gotten hurt.

Keith wasn't going to cry, he was nowhere near that end of the emotional spectrum, but he was angry. Very, really, gut clenchingly angry. At lance.

Lance, who threw himself into danger for his friends without hesitation like a madman without an Achilles heel, invulnerable. Lance, who never stopped to consider that the people he saved might prefer if they had died rather than face living without him.

Storming into his room, keith wished his door had hinges so he could slam it. He settled for punching the metal, only succeeding in creating a ringing sound and a stabbing ache in his knuckles. He let lose a scream of rage, not bothering to muffle it with a pillow. He couldn't hide the knot of anger in his chest, needed to let it out, vent. But he knew if he confided in somebody else, a third party, which he hated doing anyway, it wouldn't go away. It would only fester and grow into something worse than it already was, a volcano on the brink of explosion.. He needed to talk to lance.

Having come to a decision, he suddenly found himself calm, collected. The fury was still there, the anguish of the emotions boiling just under his skin, but it was less potent.

So he went to find lance.

The blue paladin was sitting idly in the lounge with pidge, who was fiddling on her laptop. When keith came in she looked up, made a small “oh” sound, and left. Lance looked up in surprise. 

“Keith man, whats up? We doing another memory thing?”

Keith shook his head. “We need to talk about your heroic actions this afternoon.”

Lance shrugged, “what is there to talk about? I'm alive and unhurt. We're fine. Its fine.”

Keith balled his fists, forcing himself to stay calm. “But what if you had been hurt? What if you had died?”

“Well i wasn't just going to let you die.”

“I could have handled it. I saw it coming.”

“I'm sorry if i don't have as much faith in your abilities as you do. I don't even really know you.”

“You're right. You don't. So i don't expect you to understand why i wouldn't want you to die for me!”

“Whats that supposed to mean?”

“Since you don't know me, you don't get to know! But maybe if you actually tried to remember, you would! And then we wouldn't be having this conversation!"

Lance pulled up short at keiths outbursts. 

“I am trying.” he hissed finally. “But you haven't exactly been forthcoming about you're opinions on things. Maybe there's a reason behind that that i would know if i could remember you. But since i can't, you're gonna have to spell everything out. That's the only way this will work.”

Keith went silent, still raging. “Fine.”he said, turning his back on lance. “I'm trying to help you the ways i know best. They might not be enough, but at least i'm trying.”

Lance looked crestfallen, reaching a hand out for a inexplicable reason. Something inside him, buried deep behind damaged nerve cells, told him he screwed up big time, and that fixing it was a major thing for his emotions. The other half...well, it hadn't decided yet. “Keith…”he said quietly, but he had stormed out of the lounge.

Lance gave chase, persueing him until he reached keiths locked door. Lance thought about knocking, but settled for sliding down the door and sitting on the ground, back to the cool metal. “Keith?”he said cautiously, experimentally. There was a small noise of disgruntled anger from inside, and lance took it has his cue that he would be listened to. “Keith, i'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard this is for you, and i don't even know what i meant to you before-before i forgot, but i swore i'd try, that i'd be patient, and i broke that promise. I got mad. And i'm sorry.”

The door opened with no warning and lance fell onto his back at keiths feet as the red paladin frowned. “And i'm sorry too.” he said eventually.

“What for?” 

“Because this is hard for you too. Meeting someone and being told you should know them, a relationship being forced on you? Thats gotta be hard. Like, for instance, right now? I'd trust you with my life. Always will. And before you lost your memories, you trusted me with yours. I hope we can get to that level again, even if it takes years. if i  trust you, will you trust me?”

Lance smiled up at him, not bothering to stand up. “Sure. And by then we’ll have made some new memories too.”

The corners of keiths lips quirked into a smile. “Right.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i like this chapter too  
> i think im gonna have like maybe one more chapter after this one? maybe? not rlly sure  
> anyway  
> sup  
> and wiht this addition, this becomes my longest fic
> 
> new note  
> i reposted this chapter with the ending scene bc i decided i couldnt think of anything to happen after that so i was like  
> better a short ending than a rushed, cramped, forced one so ye  
> if you have an idea please let me know and might be able to repost it as a separate chapter

Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul  
And it's the only thing that I know, know   
I swear it will get easier   
Remember that with every piece of you

And it's the only thing we take with us when we die

  


Things were better, for a while, and almost back to normal. Keith gave lance some space, and they functioned as a team. Voltron was back in working order.

mostly.

Occasionally things happened that pointed out the glaringly obvious fact that lance did not trust keith nearly as much as he had before. There were moments when he hesitated at a order, paused before following into a potentially dangerous situation. But he always did in the end, and the moments became fewer and further between.

There was a slow trust building between them, maybe it was lance, maybe it was keith, or maybe it was both, but either way, they slowly began to drift closer to each other again.

But still lance remembered nothing.

And still keith worried.

Because he knew deep inside that one day lance would remember, and these sunny days would end. Lance would remember whatever reason he had for despising keith, and the friendly banter would wither and die like mist on a hot day, taking keith’s soul with it.

He had endured it once, he would not survive it a second time. So he began to withdraw form the conversations, the banter, the friendly, familiar nudges.

But if he kept his reasons for withdrawing prematurely a secret, worse things might happen. He had to tell lance.

He cornered the blue paladin on his way black from another mission, fidgeting with his hands awkwardly. ”I need to talk to you. It's kinda important.”

Lance nodded, seating himself against the wall. “I've got time.”

Keith smiled, something he was doing more often, albeit nervously. “Lately i've been a bit...hesitant in bringing up the memory thing because of how well things have worked out. But i realized i can't hide things i know about you from yourself. Before you lost your memories, you seemed to hate me.”

From the look on lance's face he expected something odd, but not this.

“Well, hate is a strong word. It was more like a strong dislike. And if what hunk says is true-well-i can't go by that now. You don't even have those feelings anymore.”keith was rambling, mostly to himself, but lance got the gist.

“Keith,” he said sternly, taking the red Paladins hands comfortingly. “I don't hate you now. Whatever you did, whatever I thought you did, I can't remember it now. And if I do remember, I'll know you better than to hate you.” Lance didn't notice the tremble in Keith's hands, or the scarlet blooming over his cheeks at the unexpected contact. “Because, i don't hate you now, Keith. I never will. And if I'm honest, I don't think I ever did.”

Keith smiled shyly, the way only lance could make him, as he fought to get his emotions under control. “Thanks.” Was all he said.

Lance grinned. “Anytime.”

 

Due to the still patchy operation of Voltron, allura decided to have a mandatory team training day.

It was essentially the same exercise as when they had first formed voltron-a cloud of drones, defending your teammates. Now, it was different.

They had stated on a clean slate originally, making it easier to build and imprint. Now, keith saw lance as someone he wholly trusted, causing him to take certain risks, that, normally, would have been fine.

Even with the slight speedbumps, lance worked with keith as a team, strategically shooting and slicing, oblivious to the other team members. They had found their familiar rhythm, buried within lance, caught in the ebb and flow and the heat of battle.

They were back to back, keith in a defensive crouch, shield activated, sword at the ready. Lance kneeling behind him, every shot taking out a drone. Half the swarm had concentrated on them and several were angling their way out of the reach of lances gun, but too high for keiths sword, leaving him vulnerable.

“Hey mullet,” he called over his shoulder, “these ones are on you!”

Keiths sword point faltered as he whirled to face lance. The others did too, their faces guarded. In the control room coran paused the drones, seeing that no one was paying attention.

“What guys?” lance asked, surveying the curious faces. “Why are you all looking at me like i just put a jellyfish on my head again? Did i say something weird?”

Keith swallowed hard. This was his problem, not anyone else's.

“You haven't used that nickname since you lost your memory.”

Lances lips formed an O of surprize, then befuddlement. “What nickname?”

“You called me mullet.”

“I did?” lance seemed confused. “I didn't notice. Seems a bit mean for a nickname.”

“I like it.” was all keith said, then they resumed the exercise.

_This is a good thing,_ keith told himself. _Hes remembering._

_But…_ his brain countered, _he’ll remember everything. Why he hates you._

He knew lance had reassured him with a valid, logical argument, but an irrational fear of abandonment left him afraid.

So he let the matter go.

 

A few weeks later the whole team was gathered in the control room, doing things in separate corners. Coran, shiro and allura were inputting coordinates of galra bases from new intel while pidge hovered by hunks chair, discussing a scientific theory in low voices. Keith was dozing in his chair when lance looked up, frowning.

“I remember something.” he said abruptly. They all turned to look at him eagerly, none more than keith.

“Not a lot…” he said glumly. “But something.”

“Well, what?” keith asked urgently, the others listening with equal intent.

“The garrison. And the day we found blue. Up until we went through the wormhole.”

“But that's good, isn't it?”allura asked, concerned. “The garrison is a lot of your memories of keith.”

Lances face went dark. “All negative. What i remember of him there doesn’t add up to the one i know now. Neither do the emotions associated with him. they're all bad.”

Keith’s heart twisted in his chest.

“It's mostly just the gaps that were missing got filled in. thats it.”lance added.

Keith slumped black into his seat. “It's a start.”he sighed forlornly. Lance looked uncomfortable. When he spoke again, it was for keiths ears only.

“I wish i knew you.”

 

Keith wandered aimlessly throughout the castle, trying to find something to do. He found himself in the blue lions hangar, of all the places to choose from, and sat down in the lee of her paw, hidden from the world, lost to his thoughts.

He was snapped out of his reverie a moment later however, because footsteps sounded by the hangar doors. They came up to the front of the leg he sat behind and placed a hand on the metal.

“Hey blue,”lance said tiredly. “Whats up?”

The lion must have been speaking in his mind because he paused for a moment.

“Yes,” he said finally, “i'm being nice to keith. I just don't understand why he's so torn up about this. I mean, it would be hard, but...he's acting different.”

Keith had to say something, had to let lance know what was wrong. Screwing his courage he started speaking, the words spilling from his tongue.

“I'll tell you why it's so hard for me.”

Out in the hangar, keith heard lances little gasp of surprise. He rushed on before lance found him.

“It's so hard because what i felt-what i _still_ feel for you, it's so potent i might die. It surpassed what i _should_ feel for someone who has no recollection of knowing me. It makes me hurt just thinking about you never remembering me.”

Lance was almost around the paw, walking deliberately slowly, as if keith's voice was as fragile as an autumn leaf-one false move, and it dies, crushed.

“I guess what i'm trying to say is, i'm a goner. I have been for a long time. More than you could know.”

Keith let out a shaky breath, trying to sum up his speech. He couldn't. “But i can't tell you. I didn't tell you, because hunk told me something. He told me to be strong for you, and i can't do that when i'm worrying about what you think of me, with this second first impression.”

“And he told me something else, too. I'm not going to tell you what it is, since you don't remember, but it makes me wonder if you didn't like me as much as i thought you did.”

Lance finally spoke up, pressing his back to the cold metal.

“I know what hunk told you. And forgetting you hasn't changed a thing. I may have lost most of my memories of you, but we've made new ones, and they're already affecting me.” he grinned ruefully. “I guess you made a big impression.”

Keith bowed his head into his hands, making a sound of despair. “I'm sorry lance. I've...got to go ...do...something. Say hi to blue for me.”

With this stuttering, stammered reply he stood roughly, fleeing before his feelings got the better of him. But it was too late.

They already had.

 

Oh, you can fit me   
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen   
Next to your heartbeat where I should be   
Keep it deep within your soul   
  


When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me   
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street   
Hearing you whisper through the phone   
"Wait for me to come home"

  
  
  


Lance sought out keith in every place he could think of, the first chance he got. 

He checked their rooms, the training deck, the bridge, the hangars, inside the lions, the kitchens, but they were all empty. And no one had seen him.

There was one more place to check.

The door to the lounge hissed open softly. Keith wiped his eyes rapidly, not facing lance as he restacked the pictures he had been looking at. Lance drifted over, sat beside him, and let his fingers trace over the faces in the photos.

“This was after the battle on arus.” lance noted, startled. “I remember it now.”

The picture was of the team, standing crowded around the pod that held lance. Keith nodded, letting lance thumb through the rest. Eventually he set them on the table.

“Keith,” he said awkwardly, but keith was done. The emptiness of the name broke the last of his resolve. He couldn't contain it. He  _ needed _ lance to remember, know him, trust him with his life.

So he kissed him.

Anxiety gripping his heart, compressing his chest and making it hard to breath, he grabbed the amnesiac and slammed him into the back of the couch, pressing their lips together with desperate intensity.

Lance gasped, eyes wide, arms flailing for a moment before they found their way around keith's neck, buried in his hair.

Keith kissed him with the starved passion of someone who tasted something sweet and might never taste it again.

Lance kissed him cautiously-testing the waters of something new and unexplored. 

Keith felt tears streaming down his face as he held lance closer and murmured into his lips.

“come back.”

And something clicked.

They pulled apart, all too soon, the thought of a eternity without lance filling keith's eyes.

Something else filled lance, consuming him.

The dam in lances mind snapped, understanding,  _ remembering _ swamping his soul.

He exhaled quietly, tears welling in his blue eyes.

He remembered.

“Keith…” he breathed, feeling faint.

And there was meaning behind the name.

A year's worth of a strange friendship and comradery, afraid to tentatively blossom into something more. A year's worth of battles, trust,  _ knowing. _

A year's worth of memories.

Suddenly lance crumpled in on himself, sobbing into keith’s chest. Keith merely cradled him silently, a comforting warmth. He had no words anyway.

“I-i'm so sorry…” lance said between choking breaths. “I said so many things, they were so mean...i didn't realize… now-now i can remember. Now i realize how much i missed you. I don't know how i could forget you keith.”

He would have continued on this thread had keith not pulled him into another soul searing kiss.

Lances choked tears slowly quieted, and the pair just revelled in the silence. Keith could see their history in lances eyes, and he loved it. Lance smiled weakly. 

“Hey.” he said. Keith returned the smile.

“Hey.”

Lance bit his lip, trembling with the effort of suppressing more tears. Finally he laughed, such an unexpected reaction that keith was forced to laugh as well, overwhelmed by the absurdity.

“Holy shit.” lance gasped finally. “i remember you!”

It took all the strength in keith’s body to not roll his eyes. “I think we covered that.”

And then they were kissing again, and it was hot and passionate, heavy with promises and hope. Because Keith let him self imagine the things he'd locked away in his mind, all the things, all the futures keith saw in his head could be real, and he wasn't afraid of losing them with a false step any more. 

He was just eager to make more memories. 


End file.
